Anatomy of a Pessimist

The world is dressed in black, the people walking on it are heat points to your sight; their mere words ring bells in your ears that boils up the blood in you, sending waves of rage and resentment throughout your system.

More or less, that’s how you work. You are sensitive, in fact too much, that even an undone statement from someone cut off while speaking pisses you off, even for a fact that it does not concern you yet you still feel some dark sentiments about it.

You are a walking storm, dark gray clouds hover upon your head, producing heaps of rain that seep through your thoughts, drenching it with negativity. You are positive of things going south when they are at their utmost state, anticipating a tailspin on every situation.

But why, why are you like this? Why do you not expect something good out of things and people, and perhaps everything that is connected to you?

The past has never failed to attach itself to you; latching on to your subconscious like a forlorn bill in a purse and you have no plans to let go of it because throughout its destructive nature, its haunting aftermath, it nevertheless made you, shaped you.

Heaps of unrequited love, irreversible regrets, words that should’ve been uttered at the right place, on the right time; tears kept, never should’ve been left to cascade down your cheek, promises that never should have been made—all that you cannot walk through anymore without regret brimming your thoughts—has made your thoughts, conditioned you to think that way, see life in that way, because for the record, if one has never experienced pain as intense as one deems, life could’ve been a different story to tell.

How could you expect a person to look at life the same way if he/she has been through different situations with different people, different contexts yet with the same familiar feeling of pain gaping at the hole of his/her existence? With the same aftermath?

With the same heart that handled it all? 

Having a pessimistic mind isn’t bitterness, it’s a coping mechanism. It is one’s way to avoid pain all at the same intensity again.

Negativity allows you to assume minimally, hope faintly for you have already seen what happens if you give your all to everything and everyone you come across with. In a way, pessimism is a gift, a gift to those who had a rough past.

Perhaps it evades a person from the same hole, the same pit that drowned him/her once or maybe twice. It enables one to condition the heart and the mind that not everything in this world, in this life, in this lifetime is bound up to you and is meant to stay, no. it sets a realistic frame, a practical outlook deeming that a person gets what it gets and it could only take what it could get from there, from where it last came about.

Pessimism is not something you are to be disgusted of; you have been through enough and people cannot judge you and your ways to make up for the pains you've felt and after all, you can’t afford back tracking the past, salting wounds.

Pessimism drowns the memory of the old, to accommodate the intensity and uncertainty of what may come.