Longing for death

I ran as fast as I could. He came back, he came back for me. He'll reap my life, as I'll watch helplessly. I could not blame him for chasing me. It was me, it was my own doing. My own hands did something that cost me my own life.

Moments passed and the forest scene seemed unending. I settled myself, I squatted behind a big bush. I roamed my eyes around the place, he was nowhere in sight, lost like a bubble. I let out a sigh of relief. 

I stood up, thinking the place was sane but then, I heard footsteps, big loud steps, crushing the laid dried leaves on the ground.

He's here, he's here again. No!

I thought it was over? I thought he'd finally given up on me. But I was wrong, he would not give up, never. He won't stop, until I was all fallen down.

A silhoutte of a man was evident, he's near, he's here and coming. I could barely do anything. It was as if my life wasn't mine to control, it's as if he held me by the neck even before he could make actual contact.

My steps faltered, I waited for my end...

I woke up, sweating. It was all a dream. Good thing or it'll be the end of me. Peter was the guy who chased me on my freaking dream.

He was my father.

He never loved me as his own. He doubted me for ever existing into this world. He never really loved me, not even once. My mother abused me. My father was a drunkard. All the worst things in the world was in an evident state called my life. I flunked in school, I had no friends.

I'm a wise person, or so I heard; I am firm with my decisions; I do not make decisions based on impulse. I plan on everything, Everything. Even my own soul, I know how it's gonna end. Some people say I'm nuts, but trust me, do you know a person who's level-headed sane, with this kind of life? With my kind of life?

If they were only in my shoes, they'd know how hard it is every single day, to live normally without such haunting memories coming forth, exploding in my head each second? Could you imagine, your own father, off to kill you?

My life is hopeless, as others say, but no. I don't end here, my life doesn't end bere. I have to stand up for my life, I knew I did wrong, but I still have to find reasons to live. I know how my life would end, so I'm living it carefully.

I'm Greta Jones, others mistake me as a boy for my name but all across that, I loved my it.